I DIDN’T WANT HIM but at the same time I did. Although I felt that way, I still let him use my body to make us both feel good.

Ashton Donovan was a friend and a convenience. While he was good, he wasn’t the best and he wasn’t what I was looking for. Even though I had those thoughts, I still slept with him. But I wouldn’t classify what we did as sleeping. In any way.

“This needs to end,” Ashton said, taking the joint from my fingertips and bringing it up to his mouth. He stuck the end between his full lips, lips that had covered every inch of my body only an hour before. He sucked. Blowing out the sweet smoke. A low groan left him.

I appreciated his love for weed and how he never judged me when I needed it after we had sex. Even though we hadn’t been sleeping together for long, what we were doing wasn’t healthy. For either of us. But of course, we never talked about it.

“Getting high?” I leaned back against my headboard. I knew what he was going on about but a part of me was still hurt that it hadn’t been me to say those words instead of him. “We can switch it up and get drunk instead,” I offered. He was right though. I liked to let people think that I wasn’t ready for a relationship when really, it had been what I wanted for a while now. But I wasn’t sure what I was looking for. A guy to treat me nice. To take me on dates. To even hold the door open for me. Chivalry was few and far between, but I knew there were men who still did those small things.

“No.” Ashton sat between my legs and laid back against me. “Us.”

“How come?” As much as I agreed with him, a piece of my heart ached a bit to hear him say it. I should have voiced those thoughts first but for whatever reason, I could never get them out.

“Because you’re not into this, Meadow. Sure, it was fun at first and you give good fucking head.” Ashton puffed on the joint. “But I know it’s not enough. Not for you. Not even for me.”

I placed my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat beneath my palm. “It’s comfortable,” I finally confessed. But it really wasn’t. Ashton made me feel better because I hadn’t found what I was looking for. Hell, I didn’t even know what I wanted. My brain was a jumbled mess because on one hand, I wanted to be swept off my feet by Prince Charming and then on the other, I wanted to be fucked dirty against a wall. I needed to stop reading my friend’s romance books. It wasn’t like I had to shack up with someone right away. But I still longed to have that person to go home to.

“I know.” Ashton sat up, landing those beautiful baby blue eyes on me. “But I also know that you like a challenge, Meadow. And remember.” He winked. “I’m too young for you.”

I laughed, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him back against me. “Maybe you’re right. You need a woman who’s completely into you. Not just for your hot as hell body and big dick.”

He grunted, wrapping his free hand around himself. “It is quite big.”

“It is.” I wiggled out from behind him and moved in front of him before kneeling between his legs. Giving the tip of his cock a kiss, I moved up the length of him. “Do you think in another life, this could have worked out? Whatever this was between us?” Even though this thing with Ashton could never amount to something serious, I cared for him. I had known the guy my whole life and knew that he would never hurt me. Even though I was just one of the many notches on his bedpost, I knew everything I got with him. We had both agreed that this would be sex. Nothing more. But even I had to admit that I had some sort of feelings for him.

Ashton sat up, giving me the joint. He raked a hand through his shaggy blond hair before giving me a small smile. “I think this definitely could have worked out. In another life though. Both of us like sex too much and with other people.”

I knew he had been sleeping with other women while sleeping with me. It was one reason why I wanted to end things. We had always been safe but as much as I enjoyed the casual sex, I needed someone who was committed to only me.

“We could have an open relationship.” I straddled his lap, wrapping an arm around his broad shoulders. “Maybe, have a poly type thing going on.”

Ashton leaned back on his elbows. “In another life, Meadow.”

“Yeah. In another life.” My gaze dropped to his lap. “Will you let me ride it one last time?”

“Babe.” His eyes darkened. “I’ll let you do whatever the fuck you want to it.”

I laughed, swiping my thumb over the pre-cum dripping from the slit in his dick. A soft sigh left me. “I’m going to miss this.” But I knew he was right. This wasn’t healthy for either of us. As much as I didn’t want to settle down, whatever Ashton and I were doing wasn’t moving forward at all.


I jumped, my eyes shooting to his.

“Are you being a girl for once and letting your feelings get in the way?” Ashton raised an eyebrow.


He flipped us over, so I was lying beneath him. “I know I said that we should stop this but it can wait until tomorrow.” He leaned down, licking along the shell of my ear. “Tonight, your body is fucking mine.”